Destiel - Telling You Was The Hard Part
by Lynchemon
Summary: Destiel fic - fluff and smut with some Samifer. This is a part of a fanfiction universe I am creating. This means something that doesn't make sense in one fic, will make sense in another. They won't be in chronological order either, so you'll have to figure it out yourself :) Also this is my first ever fic and I've never written a sex scene before so I apologise in advance...
1. Chapter 1

He couldn't be sure how long he'd felt this way – He just needed Dean to _know. _To know that when he saw him, he froze in awe. To know that when he speaks, Cas looses his train of thought. To know that every single time Dean touched him, sparks would fly, the ceiling would collapse and everything disappeared so there was only Dean.

The first time Cas tried to tell Dean, he'd prepared a speech. "Dean?" Cas planned on looking Dean straight in his eyes while he said it – and he did. Only to get lost in the green of happy summer days. The next thing Dean saw was a flash of light, then Jimmy Novak was there.

Cas didn't know what had happened. Jimmy thought he fainted, but when he told Dean, he panicked. All Dean wanted was for Jimmy to bring Castiel back. '_Maybe he loves me too.' _It was then that Cas started to feel something he hadn't felt for centuries. Hope.

Cas tried to tell Dean a second time. "Hey Cas, what's up?" Cas froze. He would have been able to handle his voice resonating in all of his being; it was the smile that got him. Dean had smiled. At Cas. Smiling was such a rare occurrence for Dean that Cas didn't know what to do. Does he smile back? Does he just carry on? Apparently neither, because Cas found himself flying away.

Cas didn't think he could face Dean again. So, he'd spent three days away from the Winchesters in order to sort himself out. "Okay Castiel, you just need to get on the other side of that door." Cas reached for the handle on the bunker door – and hesitated. "Damn it Cas, you are an angel of the lord." After mentally slapping himself, Cas grabbed the handle and pulled open the door... allowing a lot of oranges to roll out, enough to almost bury the angel beneath them.

"Sam? Why are there so many ora-..." Castiel was cut short by the sight of his fallen brother straddling Sam. "Hello Castiel". Lucifer practically sang the greeting. Sam blushed and quickly grabbed his shirt, pulling it over his head only to have it removed again by Luci. "Sorry, I didn't know you were...together..." Cas looked everywhere but at the couple. "W-we're not!" Sam blurted – clearly embarrassed. His words met with Lucifer saying "We are now", then, ignoring Cas, the Devil started kissing the Winchester. Cas couldn't look away because all he saw was him and Dean. His inability to just tell Dean frustrating him so much that he couldn't stop himself. "How!?" Sam and Lucifer probably wouldn't have bothered looking up if Castiel's shout hadn't caused some of the oranges to explode. "How can someone just go up to another person and tell them you love them?" Lucifer starts to slowly walk towards his brother. "Because I have tried, and it is not easy. In fact! It is painful, and frustrating and...and...and – and I can't! I just can't do it and I..." Lucifer cradled the weeping angel in his arms, singing softly to him until he calmed down.

"You know, Dean doesn't really do the whole 'talking about feelings' thing, so just telling him probably wouldn't go well anyway." It wasn't until Cas cringed that Sam realised he's phrased that wrong. "Oh no no I didn't mean – I just – I'm trying to say that actions speak louder than words, so, instead of telling Dean how you feel, you could show him." By this time, Sam had gone over to Castiel and put his hand on his shoulder – while his other hand had unconsciously wrapped itself around Luci's free hand. "How do I do that?" Cas wiped the tears from his face then looked expectantly at Sam. "Well I would say a romantic gesture but since this is Dean you're talking about, I think you're gonna have to be more forward – do something obvious so he'll get the message." Cas started nodding and was about to find Dean when he realised, "Wait, how did you know I was talking about Dean?" Luci and Sam just looked at each other then burst out laughing. "How could we not know? It's so painfully obvious. In fact, Luci and I made a bet on who would admit their feelings first." It was then that Lucifer knew he was going to lose.

"No we didn't!"

"Awh, come on, don't be a sore loser."

Luci panicked, causing him to come out with "I haven't lost because Cas hasn't told Dean yet"

"Yeah, yet."

The bickering couple made Castiel laugh as he walked away.

"Hey Cas!-" the angel turned to see Sam smile. "- Good luck!" Luci covered Sam's mouth and shouted "Don't do it!" Laughing, Cas looked at them then started to turn away – turning back to say "Oh, by the way, which one of you was to first to tell the other you loved them?" After some thought they both agreed it was Sam. "Why?" Cas grinned. "Because Dean and I made a bet." Then he flew off, leaving Sam and Luci thinking the same thing – '_Was I really that obvious?'_


	2. Chapter 2

Cas went to Dean's room, planning on lying down next to Dean till he looked at the angel, then Cas would quickly climb onto Dean, pinning him down so he could put his face right up to his and say those three words. Cas thought this was a good idea, until he realised Dean wasn't there. It wasn't until he heard the water running, that he remembered Dean needed to clean himself - he was only human.

Cas wasn't aware of what he was doing until he realised his feathers were dripping. "What the fuck, Cas!" Dean turned, facing Castiel, the soap dripping down his back sculpted his figure perfectly. The shower cubicle was so small that Dean's face was only inches from Castiel's and the angel lost control. Cas grabbed the boy's face and pressed their lips together. Cas couldn't help it when he attempted to stick his tongue into his mouth - only to be stopped by Dean's gritted teeth.

Cas pulled away, horrified. '_He doesn't love me_'. He felt like his heart had just fallen out of his chest and smashed into a million little tiny pieces on the floor. '_He doesn't love me'_. Cas could deal with the apocalypse. He could deal with being insane and the Leviathans and Purgatory and even his entire family falling from the sky. _'He doesn't love me'_. His brother's grace, burning him from the inside out was nothing compared to the searing agony of this hopeless recognition. It's a miracle that Cas had the strength to stay standing.

"Cas!? CAS!" The angel was in shock - he couldn't really process anything that was around him. Someone was shaking him gently and he was slightly aware that his clothes were heavy. "Cas, can you hear me?" He looked up into Heaven's version of green. _'Dean?'_ He couldn't speak while he started to understand the situation. "Dean? I... Oh no, Dean, I'm so sorry I didn't - I didn't mean to - I just, oh no what have I do-" Dean had started to walk over to Cas and he'd just step back, forgetting how small the shower really was till he found himself up against the wall. "Cas, I'm sorry I didn't - I wasn't expecting it okay? I never thought that maybe..." Dean sighed, lowering his head. The falling water flattening his hair, causing his fringe to drip. "Dean, I'm so sorry - I -" Dean put his hands against the space of wall beside Castiel's head. He bent down and softly kissed the angel. This time, Cas was the one who froze. "Cas, I'm sorry I reacted that way. I didn't mean to, I just wasn't expecting it and I didn't know what to do..." Sighing, Dean looked into Castiel's sparkling blue eyes. "I never thought that you could love me... but I never once doubted that I. Love. -" Cas cut him off by throwing himself at the hunter. Letting go, Cas stared at Dean and blushed - giving a small smile because he couldn't look away. Dean grinned back, mischievously, then threw his arms up against the wall again to trap the angel. He started kissing Cas slowly; unsure how far to go, but then Cas had his hands in Dean's hair, gripping tightly and pulling him closer so furiously that it might have actually hurt Dean if he wasn't so caught up in knowing that Cas wanted him.

It wasn't till Dean started unbuttoning Castiel's shirt that he thought to remove his clothes with his angel powers. Dean took a moment to admire Cas' toned muscles and amazing figure - suddenly aware of just how unflattering the trenchcoat was. The Winchester's gaze continued downwards, grinning when he saw the angel's erection. He reached out, looking for the Vaseline that was next to the sink. "Dean..." Cas was impatient, wondering why Dean wasn't kissing him. Dean took Castiel's face in one hand, then started to rub the Vaseline along his cock while still kissing his angel. Castiel gasped when Dean rubbed the excess Vaseline around his entrance. Cas gripped Dean's hair and moved away from his mouth to kiss his neck. Dean pushed the angel against the wall and held his waist before gripping his ass and lifting him. Cas wrapped his lags around Dean's waist, gasping when he felt Dean carefully lower Cas onto his boner. They soon turned into a mess of heavy breathing and moans, accompanied by the smooth rhythm they'd created. By this point, the shower had run out of hot water but it was so heated in that small space that it wouldn't have mattered if they were in the North Pole.


	3. Chapter 3

Cas opened his eye's to look at the arm that was draped over his waist. As an angel, Cas couldn't sleep, so he'd closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. He couldn't do it though - he was too awake, too aware. Dean rolled over and dug his head into Castiel's neck - nuzzling gently before he sighed, slipping into a deeper unconsciousness. Cas wasn't planning on leaving his hunter, so instead kept his eyes closed, deciding on using his other senses to concentrate on Dean. Focusing on the tickle of Dean's hair against his neck and smelling his intoxicating musk. Listening to Dean's breathing which had become slow and deep as he dreamed. Cas tried to match his own breathing to Dean's - Inhaling and exhaling in time with the Winchester. He'd hoped this would help him sleep, but he only found himself breathing heavier and more frequently. Cas then chose to relive his memories, remembering the time Sam told him that sometimes Dean talks in his sleep. Knowing this, Castiel listened, in the hopes of hearing Dean's voice in the night. An hour later, Cas gave up, returning to his memories.

_"Lucifer! What are you DOING?!" Cas turned to look at Sam who was shouting at thin air. "Sam, calm down." Castiel slowly walked over to the Winchester. "Cas? Cas! stop him! Don't let him do it!" Castiel was becoming more concerned about Sam the longer this went on. After taking on Sam's torment, he really thought Sam would get better. Dean thought so too, so he'd let the angel do it. It seemed to worked for a while but Sam had started seeing Lucifer again, though Dean and Cas didn't find out till much later. "Cas! Please!" Sam was so certain the Devil was there but Castiel still couldn't see his brother. "Sam, Dean will hear you, calm down before you do something you regret." Sam turned to Castiel, tears streaming down his face. "Cas...please, don't - don't let him, he c-can't - please Cas..." Castiel just looked down and sighed. "Sam...I...It's not real. You know that right? What you're seeing, none of it is real." Sam had already turned back around, ignoring Cas. "Luci, please, don't do this..." Cas watched Sam have his mental breakdown, knowing there was nothing he could do. "You don't know that! Please, I-if you just...-" Cas felt helpless, he didn't know what to do, he didn't know how long this would last. He just hoped Sam would get through this. _

_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Castiel's head snapped up at the cry, only to see Sam fall to his knees as a flash of pure white light invaded his body. "Sam...that looked like..." The hunter looked up at the angel with a pained expression. "Grace? Yeah...that's probably because it is..." Before Cas could respond, Sam was running out the door._

Suddenly, Cas was taken out of his trance by Dean shifting away from him. Although Castiel knew Dean was unconscious, he couldn't help but feel hurt at the rejection. Cas looked at the boy with an ache in his heart, when unexpected to Cas, Dean sneezed. Cas' breathe hitched in his throat. '_That. Was. Adorable!_' Dean, then, rolled back over to snuggle with Cas, who went to indulging in his memories with a smile on his face.

_Dean yawned over Castiel's shoulder. Cas broke the embrace "You're tired Dean, you need to sleep." Dean slid his hands down the angel's arms until he grabbed hold of his hands. "I don't want to go to sleep yet" Dean pouted slightly and looked up at Cas. "Dean..." The Hunter sighed, then lifted his head to smile at Cas. "Come to bed with me." Dean started to pull Cas over to the bed. "Dean... you know I don't sleep..." Dean turned to look at the angel, allowing Cas to see the disappointment on his face. "Oh...I-I forgot..." Cas took Dean's other hand. "I'm sorry Dean." The Winchester shook his head. "No, no it's fine Cas, really. I...I wasn't really thinking...I just thought about what I wanted and...well...I wanted you to be the first thing I see when I wake up..."_

"Cas..." For a split second, Castiel feared he'd awoken Dean. However when he looked down, he saw his human, undisturbed. "Castiel...the angel..." It was a while until Cas understood that Dean was sleep talking. About him. Suddenly Cas felt anxious about what Dean might say. "_My_ angel." Just like that the tears started to fall. Even when Cas was human, he never felt like this. So filled with joy and love he felt like he couldn't contain himself - as if he could combust at any moment. Never, had Cas cried tears of pure happiness. He didn't believe he could until that moment. 'His angel...I'm his angel' Cas hugged Dean tighter to himself. _'And he's my hunter'_ Cas wrapped his wings around Dean and closed his eyes.

An angel and his hunter.


	4. NOT A CHAPTER

**So, it's been a while and I apologise for that if you were hoping I would post more of this. Unfortunately, after all my procrastinating and pretending I wasn't just a little bit too depressed to do anything (I'm not diagnosed with depression or anything so no need to get concerned, I just have -80% motivation lately), I have decided that I'm not happy with this story. and will therefore not continue it for now.**

**However, this doesn't mean that I will be abandoning it forever, so if you did want me to continue, I will. This will only be a stand-alone though, as I won't be connecting it to the other works I hinted at - sorry...**

**The universe I have created in my mind - and a little in writing - is not the problem. My only problem is the way I have written this story. Which is why, I plan on recreating this universe with a new, better, but similar version of this story. This time I might even try to put it in chronological order! (But I probably won't)**

**I'm sorry I didn't update you on this sooner but I procrastinated this just as much as actually writing the stories.**

**I hope I haven't dissuaded you from reading any other works I may post.**

**~ Lynchemon**


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